Never Say Goodbye
by pleasant-hell
Summary: Santana runs into Puck after she'd decided to cut herself off from the world. Futurefic.
1. Chapter 1

This was originally going to be named, 'Turn Around Bright Eyes' but I found that that was already taken so I changed it.

I don't own Glee. Duh.

* * *

Santana walked into her favorite dive bar a few blocks away from her apartment. She liked the stale smell of old smoke that came off of the walls before indoor smoking was banned. She liked the old men that drank away their problems and the occasionally woman that just came to drink and be left alone.

So, as usual, Santana saddled up at the bar in what had become her stool. She looked around for the new bartender. The old bartender announced his departure last week, but promised the new guy was just as good. She looked down at the bar and started tracing the wood grain with her fingers, hearing the new bartender walk up to her and set a large stack of beer crates down with a loud clank.

"What can I get you Ms. Lopez?" a familiar voice asked.

"Bourbon rocks," she automatically answered before realizing that the new bartender said her name. When she looked up she stuttered, "What the hell…"

Puck smiled at her, "You must be the only hot regular the old man told me about." After pouring the drink, he started restocking the shelves in front of Santana. She sipped her drink while he kept putting fresh bottles up on the glass shelves, "So why do you come here all the time?"

Santana replied with an indifferent shrug, "Because the old bartender used to not talk to me."

He paused and looked her over, "What happened with you and Brittany?"

She looked at him dumbfounded.

"C'mon, I'm a bartender. I know people," Puck poured a drink for another patron, "Plus Rachel told me that Brittany is on tour with some singer or whatever and you're still here."

"Yeah well," Santana downed the rest of her drink and squeezed her eyes shut as the fire burned down her throat. "Things change." She signaled for another drink.

"So you broke up with her so she could go chasing her dream instead of staying here with you," Puck poured some more into the glass.

"How long have you been a bartender?" Santana rolled her eyes and started sipping on her new drink.

He smiled, "Not long. Rachel talked to her a few days ago. Rach needs her to teach some quote impossible chorus dancers."

"She's coming here?" Santana asked, a little stunned and riddled with nerves.

Puck nodded, "Tomorrow or the day after, I don't remember… after the tour wraps up. You should talk to her."

"I don't think that's a good idea," she added and continued to drink her bourbon until the glass was empty again.

"You weren't holding her back," the bartender stated and put the bottle of bourbon back on the top shelf.

Santana decided that she needed to change the subject quick. "How's Beth?" Santana asked, running her finger over the rim of her glass.

Puck smiled, "She's great. She misses her Aunt Santy."

Santana sighed, "How did I not see that coming?"

"When Brittany left you kinda dropped off the face of the earth," Puck added, "You never picked up my calls."

"Because I didn't want to talk to anyone," Santana stated.

Puck picked up a rag from behind the bar and started wiping down the wooden surface, "You could have at least answered once so I knew you were okay and so Rachel didn't think you were kidnapped."

"Speaking of…how's your sugar mama?" Santana smirked.

"Hey," Puck raised an eyebrow, "I don't need a sugar mama. That's why I'm doing this job." He smiled wistfully, "But it is nice when she takes me out to dinner and shopping for new clothes."

"Yeah I noticed your new threads," Santana nodded, "You look good."

"Thanks," he smirked, "It's amazing what a pair of Armani jeans can do." He paused before adding, "Why don't you come over for dinner?" When Santana looked skeptical he added, "Please. Rachel invited some of the cast over for dinner and I need at least one normal person there."

"Fine," Santana smirked, "I can't help it when you beg. It makes me want to vomit."

Puck chuckled, "Whatever. I'm going to be making some awesome food when I leave here so be hungry."

Santana nodded, "I'll just have to find something to do between now and then."

"You can just come with me," Puck offered, "You can watch the master at work."

Half an hour later, Santana was sitting at the bar of the kitchen in Rachel and Puck's loft. Santana surveyed the whole open layout and figured that she could fit her entire apartment in the kitchen. "Nice place."

Puck smiled, "That's why I moved in with her and she didn't move in with me."

The front door opened and closed, echoing against the hardwood floors and modern paintings on the walls. "Noah?" Rachel's voice called.

"Yeah babe," he called back, "I'm in the kitchen."

Rachel walked in and paused when she saw Santana, "Oh hey Santana. Did you come to watch Noah make a mess in the kitchen?"

"Ha. Ha," Puck droned and pulled her in for a kiss, "How was work?"

She leaned on his chest for a beat before sliding into one of the chairs next to Santana as she unzipped her boots. "Horrible. I can't wait until tomorrow when I don't have to deal with them anymore."

"What happens tomorrow?" Puck asked smirking at the amused look on Santana's face.

"Bri-um my guest instructor is flying in," Rachel barely caught herself with a sideways glance to Santana.

Puck looked at Santana whose smile faded and her eyes were now on her drink, "It's okay. I already told her.

Rachel swiveled her chair to look at Santana, "If you wanted to talk to her you could come to rehearsals tomorrow and watch until we're done. Or Noah and I could take you two to dinner so there would be a little buffer. We'll have Beth and I'm sure she'd love to see you both."

Santana swallowed, "I um…" She looked at Puck who gave her a look like she was too chicken to do it. She frowned and always being her headstrong, I-can-do-anything self added, "Where did you want to meet?"

Rachel beamed, "Wherever you want." She looked at Puck, "Did Beth like that Italian place we went to last time? Brittany would love it."

"As long as we don't have to sit next to the statue of the naked dude. It was hell trying to explain that to Beth," he smirked while he started to cut some tomatoes.

"It was Michelangelo's David," Rachel added, "and it was tasteful. And Shelby's still mad at you for tell her Beth that she'd explain when she got home."

Puck and Santana chuckled. Santana started to feel a little more comfortable in the nice home.


	2. Chapter 2

Santana wasn't actually planning to talk to Brittany at the rehearsals when she walked into the theatre. She was just hoping to sit in the audience and see how her ex was doing. Rachel and a couple of the other cast mates talked her into it during the dinner last night. So when she gave the security guard her name and he let her in, she slunk to one of the seats in the back and got comfy.

Rehearsals had already started and Brittany was dressed comfortably in a green v-neck and gray sweat pants that hung around her sneakers as she tried to teach the cast how to dance.

Santana couldn't manage to take her eyes off of Brittany. They way she held herself and the way she moved had always been sexy to Santana, but now it was twice as much because she hadn't seen her in months.

As the rehearsal went on, Santana's fear of being seen dissipated. Brittany wasn't focused on anything that wasn't on the stage and Rachel was sitting next to an older man in a gray suit who had a clipboard in his hand, while he surveyed the cast from the front row of the audience.

One member of the cast kept messing up and when she did, she'd blame someone else. Santana was just waiting for her to blame Brittany so she could run up on stage and pummel the wannabe diva.

The sighs and groans the producer/co-director sitting next to Rachel were starting to unnerve her. Her first show as the star _and_ co-director and one of the supporting actresses was trying to be a bigger star than she actually was.

Finally, when it looked like the unshakable Brittany was getting frustrated, Rachel stood up, "Tracy. Come have a seat. I want to try something." She turned around and looked at a startled Santana. She bet the former Cheerio didn't even know she knew she was there.

Santana started to panic. Her eyes flickered to Brittany who was just staring at her, frozen in place and then to Rachel who tried to give her a reassuring look, "Santana, would you mind?" She gestured to the stage.

The man in the gray suit next to Rachel looked up at her quizzically. She smiled at him as if reassuring him, "I know what I'm doing.

Santana caught the blonde dancer's eyes and asked silent permission. This was Brittany's realm and she wasn't about to invade her space without allowance. Brittany gave her a small nod. That was their first communication in almost a year.

Santana made her way to the front of the audience and Rachel directed her onto the stage. "Do what Brittany just did."

"What-I…" Santana trailed off with a pleading look from Rachel. As much as she didn't want to, she couldn't blow off one of Brittany's new best friends in front of her. Luckily she hadn't been able to rip her eyes off of Brittany for the half hour she sat in the audience so she knew the choreography.

When Santana took a deep breath, then nodded Brittany turned the music on. As Santana danced smiles appeared on Rachel and Brittany's faces. Santana was nailing every step with the precision she would have back in high school.

When she was done, the man in the gray suit wrote something on his clipboard and called out, "What's your name?"

"Santana Lopez," she answered, her hands on her hips.

"Ms. Lopez," he leaned back against the cushy velvet of his chair, "Can you sing?"

When Santana didn't immediately answer, Rachel answered for her, "Yes she can."

He crossed his legs and gestured for her to show him, "By all means."

Santana started to really panic. She didn't have anything ready. Besides she didn't know what was going on. She heard some shuffling behind her and heard the beginning of one of her favorite songs.

Her head whipped back and saw Brittany smiling from her seat next to the CD player. Santana sighed in relief. She was glad Brittany still had her back.

_Got up in the club_  
_Posted in the back_  
_Feeling so good_  
_Looking so bad_

Santana started dancing again because she didn't like to just stand there singing unless there was a mic stand in front of her. She went back to her high school memories when she and Brittany moved the blonde's bed to the side of the room so Brittany could choreograph some moves. She ended up choreographing a whole CD worth of songs, one of which happened to be the one Santana was singing now.

_Rocking these diamonds_  
_I'm rocking this chain_  
_Make sure you get a picture_  
_I'm rocking my fame_

_To be what you is_  
_You gotta be what you are_  
_The only thing I'm missing_  
_Is a black guitar_

_I'm a rockstar_  
_Hey baby_  
_I'm a rockstar_  
_Hey baby_

_Big city_  
_Bright lights_  
_Sleep all day_  
_long nights_

_Hey baby_  
_I'm a rockstar_  
_Hey baby_  
_I'm a rockstar_

After the song, the man studied her for a moment, "Ms. Lopez may I have a moment of your time in my office?"

She hesitated before nodding and hopping off the stage to follow him out the side door.

Rachel looked up at Brittany who was grinning from ear to ear. Rachel walked up the stairs to the stage and over to the blonde dancer, "Are you okay?"

Brittany nodded, "She did good."

"I was worried you wouldn't want to see her again," Rachel offered.

Brittany smiled wistfully and quietly answered, "I always want to see her."

The breakout Broadway star nodded, "Puck and I are taking Santana and Beth to dinner tonight. Would you like to come?" She reached down and rubbed Brittany's shoulder, supporting Brittany no matter what.

"Yeah I think I would," the blonde smiled up at Rachel.

"Good," Rachel grinned and paused, "I wasn't sure Bradley was going to like that song she sang."

"I did," Brittany smirked, "I heard him listening to Rihanna this morning in his office and it's one of Santana's favorite songs."

Santana shook her head against the cold New York wind. This was ridiculous. These things didn't just happen to people like this. They don't walk into a theatre expecting to watch and walk out with an offer to join the cast. Especially a paid offer to join the cast. The kind of paid offer that would cover the rest of her undergraduate tuition at NYU and a nice apartment in Chelsea.

She didn't come to New York to be an actor. She came to New York to get a degree in Finance. She came with Brittany who was going to take the dancing world by storm. However, Brittany had already taken the dance world by storm after just a few months with a prestigious dance conservatory and Santana was still in school, broke, single, and lonely.

After a half an hour of walking, she trudged up the stairs to her apartment and unlocked the door. Joining the cast definitely had its perks. She missed singing, she missed dancing, and she missed Brittany.

She closed the door behind herself and remembered when Brittany would be sitting on the kitchen counter, waiting for her to get home from class. She sighed and walked to the couch to sit down. She had a little less than twenty-four hours to make a decision and she needed to think long and hard.


	3. Chapter 3

"I told you she was perfect for it," Rachel grinned at Puck as they were getting ready for dinner with Brittany and Santana, "That character was lacking something before and now it's perfect. Santana would bring so much more depth and edginess to the show. It's amazing."

"She hasn't said yes," Puck pointed out, looking through his wide array of button down shirts.

"She will," Rachel shimmied into Puck's closet and into his arms, planting a sweet, yet baiting kiss on his lips before finishing her thought, "Because Bradley wants her and what Bradley wants, Bradley gets and no amount of money will stand in his way."

"How do I look?" a little girl with wavy blonde hair asked with her hands on her hips. She was wearing a light green dress with white tights and flats. She'd picked an outfit worthy of a magazine cover at the tender age of five. Rachel and Puck were convinced it was a mixture of Quinn's genes and Shelby's influence.

"You look beautiful," Puck swept his daughter up into his arms and gave her a hug as she wrapped her small arms around his neck.

Rachel smiled from the doorway of the closet. She always loved the softer side of Puck that not many other people got to see. He's mellowed out a lot since high school and she was positive Beth had a lot to do with it. One night he told Rachel that he wanted to be a man Beth would be proud to call her dad and from that night on, he'd been working hard to be that man.

When the trio arrived at the restaurant, they found that Santana was already there, seated at a table for five.

"Aunt Santy!" Beth called and squirmed until Puck put her down so she could run into Santana's arms.

"Hey baby girl," Santana picked up the little girl and gently squeezed her, loving the feeling of someone actually being excited to see her.

Puck pulled Santana into a hug before Rachel tentatively took her turn. When the hug Santana gave Rachel involved no pain at all, Rachel smiled and seated herself across from Santana. Beth insisted on sitting by her aunt and Puck just smiled, sitting across from his daughter.

"How's school going?" Rachel asked Santana as she looked over the menu, a sly glint in her eyes.

"It's okay," Santana shrugged, picking up her menu. She leaned over to Beth and asked, "What's good here?"

"Fechini!" the little girl announced.

"Oh yeah?" Santana grinned and rubbed the little girl's back, "You like the Fettuccini?"

Her blonde curls bobbed as she nodded and picked up a crayon to color on her menu.

Rachel was the first person to notice Brittany walk up, "Hey." She stood and hugged the blonde.

"Sorry I'm late," Brittany easily slid into the last vacant seat on the other side of Beth. "The conservatory called me just before I left."

"Oh yeah?" Rachel prodded.

"They want me to teach a hip-hop workshop," Brittany offered like it happened to her all the time. She turned to the little blonde girl next to her, "Hey Beth."

"Hey Aunt B," Beth stood in her chair so she could hug the blonde.

Brittany smiled into the hug with her eyes closed. When she slowly opened her eyes, she saw Santana watching her. She her smiled faded a bit, but was still on her face, "Hey."

Santana smiled nervously back, "Hey."

After Beth sat back down, everyone around the table got quiet.

"Finn called my PA today," Rachel mentioned, trying to break the silence, "He wants me to come talk to his glee club."

"How's he doing?" Santana asked to keep the conversation moving.

"Not so good after the divorce," Puck answered, "But he says glee is helping a lot."

"Where'd Quinn move to?" Brittany asked, apparently knowing more about the situation than Santana.

"Here," Rachel picked up her drink, "to be closer to Beth. I had lunch with her the other day. She said she feels better now that she's out of Lima and closer to Beth. She still feels bad about being a twenty-one year old divorcee, but she's coping. She's staying on Tina and Artie's couch until she finds somewhere else to live."

"Didn't you say you were looking for a roommate?" Puck asked Santana.

Santana nodded.

"Are you and Quinn on good terms?" Rachel asked Santana, "Because she has a job already and some money left over from her move. She could definitely help you with the rent."

"That'd be great," Santana added, not looking at Brittany who was trying just as hard not to look at her.

Rachel grinned, "Fantastic. I'll give her your number when I talk to her tomorrow."

The rest of the dinner was pleasantly uneventful. Brittany and Santana kept using Beth as wall between them, each taking turns cooing and playing with the little girl, while the other stared at their food.

When the check came, Rachel insisted on paying because she asked everyone to come out.

Brittany had to stifle a yawn as they all shuffled out the door, "I'm tired."

"Me too," Rachel nodded, "Rehearsals are wearing me out."

"I kinda already promised Beth that we'd go get ice cream," Puck added, holding his little girl in his arms, "But I'll see you two at home."

Rachel stood on her toes to give Puck a kiss, "Be careful." Then she turned to Santana, "I'll see you tomorrow at the theatre. And don't feel pressured to join that cast at all. I support whatever you want to do. We should have lunch with Quinn."

"Sounds good," Santana smiled.

Rachel hugged her and then looked at Brittany, "Ready?"

The blonde nodded. She glanced back at Santana, "See you later."

"Yeah…bye," Santana added. She watched as Brittany and Rachel hailed a cab before turning to Puck and Beth, "So, who wants ice cream?"

"I do!" Beth raised her hand.

Once they made it to Beth's favorite ice cream shop, they all ordered and sat at the table, "So, what are you going to do?"

"With that?" Santana asked.

"Are you going to join the show?" he asked, picking up and napkin and gently wiping off Beth's chin where ice cream was making a steady trail south.

Santana took a deep breath, "I don't know. I kind of want to do it. And I kinda don't."

"Why don't you?" he asked, picking up his down spoon, "Brittany?"

She nodded, "That's part of it. I don't want to invade her space."

"She's only going to be here for another week," Puck offered, "Then she's heading to back to LA to look for somewhere to live."

"She doesn't have anywhere to live?" Santana asked, trying not to sound too concerned.

"Rachel said she put all of her stuff in storage to go on tour. She's been all around the world for a year," Puck offered. "So you won't be invading her space for very long."

"Oh." Santana was quiet for a moment.

"You miss her," he stated, looking at Beth to make sure she was okay. The little blonde was looking out the window, licking her ice cream and humming to herself.

"Yeah," Santana finally admitted out loud, "I do. A lot.'

"Maybe she could move back to New York," Puck ran a hand over his close-cropped hair where his mowhawk used to be.

Santana sighed, "Maybe." This line of conversation was depressing her so she decided to change it, "Have you seen Quinn lately?"

"Yeah, I saw her last week," he nodded, "She's doing good. She works for a casting agent uptown."

The youngest of the trio suddenly spoke up, "I have to go potty."

Puck shot a panicked look at Santana then turned to Beth, "Really?"

She looked up at him with her big blue eyes and nodded.

"Are you really that helpless without Rachel?" Santana smirked and stood up, offering her hand to Beth.

Puck nodded with a tiny smile, "Yes. Thanks San."

Beth took Santana's hand and they raced to the bathroom. Puck sat alone at the table for a minute before he pulled out his phone. He shot a quick text to his girlfriend then continued to eat his ice cream.

His phone buzzed on the table and he looked down at it, smiling at Rachel's reply. _How am I an evil genius?_

_Your Santittany plan is working._ He texted back, using the code name Rachel came up with.

Rachel's reply made him laugh to himself, barely able to keep himself from choking. _In hindsight, Santittany wasn't the best blend of their names._

He added _Love you. Be home soon, _as Beth and Santana returned to the table.

Once the ice cream was gone, Puck and Beth dropped Santana off at her apartment before heading home. Santana silently trudged up the stairs and slowly unlocked the door, not looking forward to being alone in the empty apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Santana showed up early to the theatre. She followed the long hallway down to Bradley's office. Just as she was about to knock the door opened and Santana round herself face to face with Brittany.

"Oh hey," Santana's eyes dropped to the ground.

"Hey," Brittany smiled kindly, slightly charmed by Santana's nervousness.

Santana hefted her eyes off of the floor and looked at Brittany, "I actually wanted to talk to you before I talk to him." She pointed to the door that was open behind Brittany.

"Yeah?" Brittany questioned.

The brunette nodded, "Yeah. I, um, wanted to make sure it was okay with you if I joined the cast. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything."

It took a lot of willpower on Brittany's part not to squeal with excitement. Instead she let out a hundred watt smile, "It's fine with me."

Santana smiled at the look on Brittany's face and nodded, "Um, thanks. I just didn't want it to be awkward or anything."

"It's no problem," Brittany glanced down the hallway.

"Okay, well I'm going to…go talk to Bradley now," Santana nervously stumbled thought the words before slipping past Brittany into the office. She took a deep breath once the door was closed behind her. No one had ever made her that nervous in her whole life.

Bradley smiled as Santana tentatively stepped closer to his desk, "Hello Santana. How are you?"

"Great," Santana nodded, walking to the chairs in front of his desk.

"Have you made a decision?"

She nodded, "I'd love to be part of your show." She didn't add that the reason she really wanted to be part of the show was the blonde that was in the hallway and a really vivid dream she had of what she and said blonde used to do. The past due notices on her kitchen counter were a good motivator as well.

He clapped his hands together, "Great. Let's get to the paperwork."

After carefully reading over her contract and negotiating a little, Santana walked out of the office satisfied. She had a job that required doing two things she loved. She got to take a break from school for a while. She got paid regularly and she got to see Brittany again, everyday for the next week. "So far, so good," she mumbled under her breath before going to the stage to join the rest of the cast.

Rachel immediately officially introduced her to everyone and right after that, Brittany started dance practice. After a couple hours of a grueling dance work out, Rachel called lunch.

"You're picking up the choreography very quickly," Rachel told Santana who jumped off the stage to stand by her.

Santana nodded, "Thanks."

Brittany joked around with a few other members of the cast and Rachel watched as Santana followed the blonde's movements.

"Ready to go?" she asked, interrupting Santana's trance.

Santana snapped her head toward Rachel and nodded, "Yeah."

"I hope you don't mind," Rachel added, "Brittany wanted to see Quinn before she left town again so I invited her."

"Oh," Santana was momentarily stunned, but quickly recovered, "That's fine."

When they got to the restaurant, Quinn was already sitting at a small round table for four. When she saw the three women, she immediately smiled and stood to hug them all in turn.

"How have you guys been?" Quinn asked Brittany and Santana.

Santana didn't answer immediately so Brittany jumped in, "Great. I just go back from being on tour and now I'm working with the cast of Rachel's show."

"Oh yeah, she told me," Quinn smiled, "How long were you gone?"

"Eight months," Brittany stated.

The other blonde's eyes widened, "That's awesome Brit." She looked over at Santana, "Did you go meet up with her anywhere?"

Santana looked at Rachel for direction. She just assumed that Quinn knew.

"Oh," Rachel immediately diffused the question, by quietly added, "They're not together anymore."

"What?" Quinn's mouth dropped open. Then she looked at Santana with the undeniable air of _what-did-you-do_.

Santana just averted her eyes to her drink.

"So," Rachel broke the tension, "Why don't you tell Quinn about your apartment?"

Santana took a deep breath, "Um, there's two bedrooms and you'd have your own bathroom. It's not that big, but it's fairly cheap and it's close to the subway."

"I was sold at my own bathroom," Quinn grinned.

"Cool," Santana nodded, "I can help you move in after rehearsal."

Quinn nodded, "Thank you so much. I don't know how much more of sleeping on a couch I can do."

"No problem," Santana answered, noticing that Brittany was being really quiet. That's when she added, "We can even have a house-warming party."

At the sound of the word party, Rachel beamed, "Yes! It'll be amazing. I'll go call the caterer." Before anyone could stop her she rose from the table and whipped out her phone.

"She hasn't changed at all," Quinn smiled and sipped her water. She looked over at Brittany, "So where are you living these days?"

The blonde shrugged, "I'm staying with Rachel and Puck right now, but I'm going to Chicago next week. Then I guess I'll look for somewhere to live in LA again."

Santana quietly sighed. She liked seeing Brittany around the city. She didn't want her to leave.

Fortunately Quinn voiced her opposition, "You should move back here." She smiled tried to entice Brittany into it. "Knowing Rachel, she'll produce three or four shows a year, plus I know people that are always looking for a good dancer. And Rachel, Puck, Santana, and I are here. We could go out like all the time."

Brittany bit her lip, obviously thinking it over. "Maybe."

In her head Santana had a better list of reasons Brittany should stay, but she didn't feel it was her place to tell her ex that since it was cold in New York a lot that Brittany would get to wear her vast collection of scarves, her favorite accessory, more often or that she couldn't wander around the Museum of Natural History on a whim if she didn't move back or that even the cynical people of the city can't help, but smile back at her or that her favorite gelato vendor just opened up a storefront. There were hundreds of reasons Santana could rattle off for days, but she didn't. She just quietly sipped her water, waiting for the subject to change.

When Rachel got back, the conversation turned to party planning. That consumed the rest of their lunch. Quinn hopped a cab back to work, while Rachel, Santana, and Brittany walked back to the rehearsal space.

As soon as they were done, Brittany and Rachel were called in to see Bradley. Santana checked her phone and saw a text from Quinn to call as soon as she was done. She called Quinn and gave her the address, telling her that she was going to change clothes then she'd help her move her stuff.

"So," Rachel carefully added while she was sitting in her kitchen with Brittany, "Is it weird working with Santana?"

The blonde paused with a thoughtful look on her face. She gave a nod, "It is I guess. I just…miss her. I love being around her." She gave a small sigh, "All my friends say I shouldn't want to be with her anymore, but ... She's…Santana."

Rachel nodded, "I understand."

After a pause, Brittany drummed her fingers on the counter, "I'm really thinking about moving back to New York. It was hard to be here at first and that's why I moved, but I…feel like I need to be here now."

Rachel put a reassuring hand on Brittany's hand, "You don't have to explain to me. I understand how crazy love can be. I mean I'm living with Noah Puckerman."

Brittany chuckled as Puck walked in, "You rang?"

The brunette smiled at him and shook her head, "Brittany might be moving back to New York."

He grinned, "That's great."

"Just don't tell anyone," Brittany told them, "At least not until I decide for sure."

They both nodded.

Rachel finally slid off of the counter, "C'mon Noah. We should go help Quinn move in with Santana."

Puck looked at Brittany, "Are you coming?"

The blonde nodded. She wasn't going to miss a chance to see Santana, no matter how uncomfortable it was.

Santana got off of her couch when she heard a knock on the door. She trotted over and opened the door, finding Quinn, Rachel, Puck, and Brittany all with box filled arms.

With a few properly placed boxes and trips up and down the stairs, Santana and Brittany managed to not say much to each other. The whole experience was grueling for Brittany who was helping Quinn move into the apartment she used to share with Santana.

As Santana and Quinn brought up the last of Quinn's stuff, they heard Brittany talking in the living room.

"I would love to," Brittany said with a smile in her voice, "I'll be there in a few… Okay bye."

When they rounded the corner, Santana saw Brittany turn to Rachel and Puck who were sitting on the couch, "I gotta go. I'm meeting Aiden. He got tickets to one of my favorite singers." She beamed and hugged them both. "I'll see you at home?"

Rachel smiled, "Definitely."

Brittany walked toward the door and saw Santana and Quinn walking in.

Quinn, who apparently heard what Brittany told Rachel and Puck, smiled at Brittany, "Have fun and thanks for helping me move in."

"No problem," Brittany smiled, "Call me later and we can go out before I leave town." Then she tentatively turned to Santana, "Bye."

Santana let out a forced smile, "Bye."

The blonde just nodded and walked out, closing the door behind her.

About an hour later, Santana and Quinn were milling around their apartment, cleaning up and throwing away old packing materials. Rachel and Puck had left because Puck had a gig at a small coffee shop to get to.

"So," Quinn finally asked, "Why did you break up with B?"

Santana knew it was coming and took a deep breath before answering, "Because we weren't working out."

"Nice try," Quinn rolled her eyes, "Next excuse." She crumpled up some old newspaper and tossed it into the recycle bin that they'd moved to the door of her room.

"Puck thinks it's because I think I was holding her back," Santana shrugged.

The blonde sat on her finally made bed and leaned back, supporting herself with her arms, "C'mon Santana. We live together. This could go on for months. Why don't you just tell me the truth?"

Santana bit the inside of her cheek. She'd been spreading all kinds of rumors about why they broke up, none of which was the real thing. She hadn't told anyone the real reason. She didn't even tell Brittany the real reason.

But Quinn was right. They did live together and Quinn could make life hell for her very easily. Plus, there were only two people in the world that knew when Santana Lopez was lying. Brittany was one. Unfortunately Quinn was the other one.

"Fine," Santana dropped onto the bed next to Quinn and drew a shaky breath, "I don't know. I just woke up one day a got scared. I've been with the same person for four years. I've never been alone. I wondered if I was strong enough to make it on my own or if I always needed a crutch. It's stupid I know. Then I really started to wonder if I was holding Brittany back. Maybe she was staying because I needed her." Santana shook her head, "I just let that sit in my head for weeks before I finally broke up wit her."

Quinn, ever being the blunt one, added, "I believe that's the dumbest thing you've ever done."

Santana rolled her eyes and stood up, "Gee thanks."

"Where are you going?" Quinn asked, watching Santana walked out of her room.

She was met with a single word answer that was carelessly thrown over Santana's shoulder. "Out."


	5. Chapter 5

When Rachel took her seat in the back of the small coffee shop to watch Puck perform, she smiled. This was one of her favorite things in the whole world. She loved watching Puck and his guitar quietly demand the attention of the thirty or so people in the building. She loved that he had developed a small cult following and that, although women threw themselves at him, he seemed to only harbor eyes for her.

He was on the small stage, sitting on the stool, guitar in hand and halfway through a song when Rachel saw his eyes stop on someone in the audience. He smiled and continued with his song, the smile still on his lips.

Rachel looked over to the mystery audience member, wondering who deserved the special attention. However when Rachel saw who it was, she too smiled. She silently got up and slid into one of the vacant seats at Brittany's table.

The blonde grinned at her, welcoming her to the table that was occupied by a rugged hipster of a man as well. Brittany moved her eyes back to Puck and occasionally mouthed the words to his songs.

When his first set was done, Puck announced his break and set his guitar down. A few people walked up to him and asked for his autograph. He threw an amused smirked at Rachel and Brittany before accepting the marker that was thrust in his face.

"I thought you had tickets to see one of your favorite singers," Rachel smirked at Brittany.

The blonde chuckled, "I do and I'm here using them."

"You didn't tell me you liked Noah's music," Rachel nearly burst with pride.

Brittany nodded, "I downloaded his demo and carry it with me everywhere." She picked up her phone to show Rachel how Puck's tunes traveled with her. "It calms me down and makes me happy when I'm sad."

Rachel joked, "It's hard to imagine you being sad."

How forced Brittany's next smile was, threw Rachel off. She'd never seen that look in Brittany's eyes. It was a slight falter in her happy exterior, but Rachel caught it, if only barely. Her smile was flawless but her blue eyes gave her away. It was like watching two rain clouds perched over of a dazzling sunset.

Unfortunately, before she could call Brittany on it Puck walked over.

"Oh," Brittany snapped out of her momentary haze and looked at her friend that was sitting at the table, "This is Aiden. Aiden this is Rachel Berry and Noah Puckerman."

Puck shook his hand and nodded.

"Great set," Aiden commented.

"Thanks," Puck let out a small smile and sat down next to Rachel.

After the show, the trio went home, saying goodnight to Aiden at the coffee shop. Brittany quietly made her way to the guest room and closed the door.

Rachel sat on the couch, staring at the hallway where the guest room was located. She knew why she was watching it and tried to restrain herself. She knew she butted into other people's business frequently and she was trying not to this time. However, her caring for Brittany won out in the end. She pushed off of the soft couch and made her way to Brittany's door. She softly knocked and when there was no answer, she opened it.

She found Brittany sitting on her bed staring at the ground. She saw tears in the blonde's eyes. Rachel immediately moved to sit by her.

However Brittany was hell bent on trying to conceal her emotions so she wiped away her tears and put on a smile. "Um, sorry. I…I just got something in my eye."

"Both eyes?"

Brittany nodded, guiltily, but still stuck to her story.

Rachel sighed and rose from the bed, "Well, I'm right down the hall if you want to talk about…what you got in your eyes."

The blue eyes followed Rachel out of the room before she shot up from the bed and went to her suitcase. She didn't feel like staying in tonight. She needed to go out.

So an hour and a half later, she was dressed to kill along with some other dancers she knew from around town. They strutted into a nearby club and went to the middle of the room to do what they all did best.

While they were all playing around, making up small dances and trying to make each other laugh, Brittany's eyes caught sight of a familiar looking woman. The hair and slender frame made her chest tight. As her heart pummeled her insides, she mumbled to her friends about being right back.

Brittany moved to get a better look of the girl, staying along the wall of the club. When she got close enough, she saw that the girl wasn't Santana. However before she could look away the girl caught her eyes. A smile came from her lips and she let her eyes give Brittany a once over.

The blonde felt embarrassed so she decided she needed to explain, "I'm sorry. You looked like someone I know…from behind."

"Not a problem. I get that a lot," the girl grinned, "I'm Kayla."

"Brittany," she answered.

Kayla flashed a dangerous smile, "I saw you out there with your friends. I'm kinda glad you came over here. I probably wouldn't have gotten the courage to ask you if you wanted to get a drink if you didn't come over here."

All kinds of alarms and triggers were going off in Brittany's head, but she chose to ignore them. She let out a playful smile, "I'd love to get a drink."

Santana stumbled out of a bar close to her apartment. She knew even then that she was going to hate herself in the morning for drinking to this point, but in the moment she didn't care. She was out celebrating the biggest mistake she'd ever made.

Her feet carried her to her favorite bar in the city. She didn't know how long it took to get there, but when she saddled up to the bar she wasn't surprised to see Puck there.

"You look wasted already," he slid a bottle of water to her.

Santana didn't say anything. She just opened the bottle and promptly drained the contents.

Puck shook his head, "You should just tell her you're sorry already."

The brunette just rolled her eyes, "Leave me alone."

He raised his hands, "You are alone."

"Fuck you Puckerman," Santana snapped.

He sighed, "That's not what I meant." He got out another water bottle and set it in front of her. "You know you don't have to be alone."

Santana slid off the stool and glared at him, "I have to find another bar."

"Hey, no," Puck stepped back from the bar, "I won't talk anymore okay?"

After thinking it over, and getting dizzy for standing too long, Santana sat back down.

Quinn had fallen asleep sitting on the couch, looking through the headshots of half of New York City when she heard a knock on the door. She rose from the couch and walked to the door, checking the peephole. When she saw Puck she opened the door.

As soon as the door swung open, Quinn saw that he was basically carrying a semi-conscious, fully drunk Santana. Her arm was around his shoulders, but most of her weight was supported by his arm around her waist.

"What happened?" Quinn asked, moving everything off of the couch so Puck could set Santana down.

He gently set her down and sighed, "One guess."

Quinn shook her head looked at Santana who was finally passed out, "If there's no hope for Santana and Brittany, how is there hope for any of us?"

He shook his head, "I don't know. Are you okay here with her? I gotta get home."

Quinn nodded, "Yeah, I'll take care of her. Say hi to Rachel and Brittany for me."

"Okay," he put his hands on his hips looking over Santana again before shaking his head. "See ya."

Somewhere in Brooklyn, Brittany looked over at Kayla who had fallen asleep in the dimly lit bed. She didn't look like Santana anymore. She definitely didn't act like Santana. Brittany shivered remembering how Santana would always snuggle into her afterwards.

The dancer silently found all of her clothes and put them back on before tiptoeing out the door. She stepped out into the pre-dawn night in Brooklyn. She felt so out of control. She told herself she needed to get a grip and tightened her jacket around herself to make the long trek to the train.


	6. Chapter 6

The next four days went about the same way. Brittany, Rachel, and Santana had play rehearsals. Then they would all go home. Quinn would watch Santana leave at around eight and stumble back home a few minutes past one. Rachel and Puck would take Brittany out to dinner every night in hopes to get the old Brittany back and ward off the fake smiles and forced bubbly attitude.

Finally the morning came to take Brittany to the airport in Chicago. Puck had a gig so he said goodbye at the apartment. Rachel and Quinn drove Brittany to La Guardia and stood with her in front of the security gate.

"We'll miss you," Quinn told her, hugging the taller dancer.

Brittany smiled brightly, "I'll be back soon."

"You better," Rachel smiled taking her turn for a hug.

"Actually," Brittany had a mischievous smile on her lips, "Can you two look out for some apartments?"

"For you?" Rachel beamed.

The blonde nodded, "If I find the right place I might move back. I'm still thinking about it. Just promise not to tell anyone."

"Promise," Rachel hugged Brittany again, "I'm so happy. If you do, Noah will be so relieved that I won't be on the phone all the time."

They heard Brittany's flight being called over the loud speaker. She grinned at her friends, her first real smile in days, "I'll see you next week."

One the way home, Rachel tapped her fingers on the steering wheel to the tune of "One" from the musical A Chorus Line. Quinn however was deep in thought. She finally turned to Rachel, "This is bad."

"What is?" Rachel asked, turning the music down.

"Santana," Quinn stated firmly.

Rachel furrowed her eyebrows, "What about her?"

"For the past week she's been going out and getting drunk," the blonde explained, "And it's because she saw Brittany again. What happens if Brittany really moves back?"

"They get back together," Rachel stated like it was blatantly obvious.

Quinn frowned, "What if they don't? Brittany is going to be miserable because she wants to be with Santana, but won't make any kind of move and Santana is going to drink herself into oblivion because she thinks there's no way she can fix what she did."

Rachel was quiet until the song ended and then turned the music off all together, "So we get them to get together."

"That may have worked in high school, but I don't think it'll work now," Quinn leaned on the armrest, "Santana won't fall for any of your tricks and you'll end up telling Brittany because you tell her everything."

"Damn, you're right," Rachel bit the inside of her lip, "Well, we're figure out something."

Santana looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like she never slept, which was true and that she had a hangover, which was also true. She was fine until she saw Brittany again. Then she was back at square one. She was back to trying to ignore the problem all together. Then she knew the next step was beating herself up about making the dumbest decision of her life. The last part was ending up going about her day, hollow and dying inside.

She sighed, turned on the shower. She needed to get ready if she was going to go out again tonight.

Later that night, Quinn had called to tell Rachel that Santana was going out again. Puck sat in the kitchen listening to what his girlfriend said until she hung up.

"I need to tell Santana," he sipped his beer.

Rachel shook her head, "I can't. I told Brittany I wouldn't."

"I didn't," Puck pushed himself away from the counter, "If Santana drinks like that until Brittany comes back something bad is gonna happen."

"We don't even know if she's coming back."

"We both know she is," he walked into the bedroom and called back, "She sent you and Quinn apartment hunting for her."

Rachel followed him into the bedroom to find him laying in the bed sans a shirt. She crawled in next to him, "I know your allegiance lies with Santana, but mine lies with Brittany. She's my best friend."

"I know," he put his arm around her, "But I'm worried about Santana."

"I know," she sighed, "I'm worried about Brittany too."

"So what do we do?"

Rachel bit the inside of her cheek, "Do you think Quinn could tell her?"

"Yeah, I guess," Puck shrugged.

Rachel sat up and grabbed her phone that was charging on the nightstand.

"Rach," Puck put his hand over Rachel's that was holding the phone, "It's almost 2am. I'm sure she's asleep."

"Maybe not," Rachel added in a sad voice, knowing he was probably right.

"No one has your insane amount of energy. I have to drink a pot of coffee each day you have time off to keep up with you," he kissed her forehead.

The actress smiled, "Daddy used to tell me I got it from Dad." She paused, "Oh that reminds me, Daddy told me to tell you to ask your mom up for Hanukah."

"Where are we having it?" he asked, pulling a blanket over them both.

"Here."

"I guess since it's only two weeks away I should get the decorations out of storage and plan the menu," he thought out loud with his eyes closed.

"Actually," Rachel turned off the light and snuggled into him, "It's being catered. Opening night is two days after Hanukah. I can't have that kind of chaos in the kitchen when I'm having a meltdown. Anyway we should invite Brittany, Santana, and Quinn."

"You're asking for a Hanukah disaster," Puck tightened his arm around Rachel.

"Where have you been?" Rachel smirked into the dark, "Hanukah is always a disaster. It's a tradition."

Quinn got up and opened the door when there was a knock. She knew it was Santana. It was about the time the bars started to kick people out. However when she opened the door, she was surprised. Santana looked lucid and stone cold sober.

"Hey," Quinn offered instead of what she wanted to ask.

Santana sighed, "Hey."

"Did you have fun?" Quinn figured that that was a safe question to ask.

The brunette shrugged and took off her jacket, "I guess so. I went out with some of the girls from the show. We had fun, but…I guess I'm not feeling it."

The blonde brought her hand up to Santana's shoulder, "I understand."

"I'm going to go to bed," Santana added, slowly dragging her feet to her bedroom.

Quinn looked up at the ceiling wondering what to do to make Santana feel better. She could show Santana the list of apartments she had collected for Brittany or she could outright tell her. But she didn't know what kind of emotion that would evoke from Santana, so she sat back on the couch and pulled her laptop back onto her lap, finishing her daily hunt, hoping to find the apartment that caused Brittany to move back.


	7. Chapter 7

A few days went by and Santana had a rare day off of rehearsals so she went out to run some errands before going home to take a much-needed nap. When she opened the door her heart stopped when she saw blonde hair sticking out from the top of the couch. She flashed back to a year ago when Brittany would sit there and study.

However when Quinn turned around and smiled at her, her stomach dropped. "Need any help?"

Santana looked down at the groceries in her arms and gave a halfhearted nod, "Yeah."

"Is it okay if Beth comes over and spends the night?" Quinn asked, "I haven't seen her in a while and before I didn't have somewhere she could stay."

Santana nodded numbly, "Yeah that's fine."

The blonde helped put the groceries away, "Are you okay?"

Santana ignored the question and closed up the cabinets.

Quinn's voice got to the whisper quiet it did when she was being serious and was about to delve into someone ready or not, "Have you cried?"

"What?" Santana asked, her voice shaking. She knew where Quinn was going with this.

"Have you cried since you broke up with Brittany?"

Santana started to walk off to her room, "What does that have to do with anything?"

The blonde stopped Santana cold with a sentence, "Does that four years mean nothing to you?"

Fire blazed in Santana's eyes when as she whirled on Quinn. She gritted her teeth and got within an inch of Quinn's face, "You know they did."

"And you haven't cried once," Quinn was a little nervous under the harsh glare, but she could see Santana's anger start to break down so she stood firm. "She was your best friend. She made you smile when no one else could. You may not have told her often, but I know you loved her." Quinn saw the tears in Santana's eyes start to form so she went on with her speech, hoping to break down the barrier the other girl had built up, "I see the way you look at me when you just get home. You're disappointed. I don't know if it's my hair or if it's just someone in the apartment, but you miss her. Everyday."

"Shut up," came out of Santana's mouth less forcefully than she would have like.

Quinn shook her head, "And you go out drinking all the time to numb the pain so you won't have to feel what it's like to be without her." The blonde's voice got more sympathetic, "I bet when you someone calls her name you look around to see if it's her. And that when you hear her favorite song you smile a little because you can remember her singing along. Santana, you've been with Brittany for longer than most people's marriages last and you've been best friends for even longer than that. You can't tell me that it doesn't hurt everyday."

Santana angrily wiped at her eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. She would be damned if she was going to cry in front of Quinn.

"There's still a chance," Quinn added, putting her hand on Santana's shoulder.

Rage filled Santana's eyes. She knocked Quinn's hand off of her shoulder and yelled, "No there's not! I fucked up, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?" At this point tears were billowing out of her eyes, "I miss her and I still love her, but I hurt her! There's no going back from that!" Santana picked up the closest movable thing to her and hurled it against the wall. Quinn watched as the bottle of wine shattered against the wall.

Then Quinn did the only thing she could think of to do. She pulled Santana into her arms, holding the sobbing girl to her. Santana fought for a few seconds, trying to push Quinn away, but when the blonde kept holding onto her, Santana disintegrated into tears. She buried her face in Quinn's shoulder and clung to the back of her shirt, balling the material into her fists.

All Quinn could do was rub her back and let her know that she was there for her. The pain in Santana's face made tears form in her eyes, but she wasn't going to cry. She needed to be strong for her friend.

After a while they moved to the couch to sit down. Quinn continued to comfort Santana as best she could. Finally when Santana calmed down she pulled away. She just looked at Quinn. Finally when she found some words to say a knock on the door beat her to it.

Quinn just gave Santana a hopeful smile and walked to the door. When she opened it she was met with a, "Mama Q!"

Quinn beamed with Beth jumped into her arms, "Hey baby." She looked up at Shelby who was smiling at the two. "Thanks for bringing her over."

"No problem," Shelby smiled and looked around, "I'm glad you found a place to live."

"C'mon in," Quinn picked up Beth and ushered Shelby in.

Beth spotted Santana on the couch, "Aunt Santy!"

The little girl ran over to Santana, blonde curls bouncing on the way. When she rounded the couch Beth's smile faded, she looked Santana, "What's wrong?"

Santana sniffled and forced a smile, "I'm fine, I just hurt myself."

"Where?" Beth asked, tilting her head to the side.

Santana thought quickly and lifted her finger, "I smashed my finger."

The little girl took Santana's hand in her own and kissed the tip of Santana's finger, "All better?"

The simple action caused Santana to flash back to how Brittany would do that every time Santana hurt herself. She hugged the little girl and smiled as she fought again to keep the tears in her eyes. "I'm going to go take a shower okay. Then maybe we could take Mama Q out?"

Beth beamed, "Yay."

Santana patted her head and stood up, making her way to her bathroom giving a brief wave to Shelby before closing the door to her bathroom and locking the door. As she turned the shower on she couldn't get her clothes off fast enough. Once she was under the warm spray, she broke down again.

"What happened in here?" Shelby asked, smelling the wine on the floor before she saw it.

"Oh, we had an accident," Quinn replied and picked up a kitchen town to soak up the white wine on the floor, "Something came over me while I was singing along to Lady Gaga and my dancing got out of control."

Shelby laughed and helped Quinn clean it up, "I completely understand. I broke a five hundred dollar vase while choreographing a musical."

When they were done, Shelby dropped Beth's overnight bag by the door and left the two blondes to themselves.

"So," Quinn sat on the couch, looking at her offspring, "What do you want to do?"

Beth grinned, "Aunt Santy said we were going to take you out."

"That's right," Santana added from the door of her room. She was dressed in clean jeans and a dark blue shirt, her wet hair pulled back in a ponytail reminiscent of her Cheerios days. "So where to Mama Q?"

Quinn smiled, "Wherever you two want to take me."

It wasn't long before they were sitting at a restaurant eating pizza. As they were eating Quinn got a call. "Hello?"

"Hey," Rachel answered brightly, "You'll never guess who I just picked up from the airport that loved one of the apartments you found her so much that she just flew in to sign the lease."

"No way," Quinn smiled. "Is she going back today?"

"Yeah," Rachel replied, "Her old conservatory has hired her as a choreography consultant and flew her down here so she could sign that contract as well. She's definitely moving back."

"She totally belongs here," Quinn offered, picking at the topping on her pizza as Beth and Santana listened in. Quinn didn't even realize that the other two were listening to her talk. "We should all go out to dinner when she gets back."

"Way ahead of you," Rachel grinned, "She'll be back on the day before the first day of Hanukkah and Noah and I are hosting the annual family celebration. Brittany already said she's going to be there. Noah already invited Santana who agreed but she doesn't know Brittany's going to be there. If you don't have any plans we'd love for you to come."

"But I'm not Jewish," Quinn pointed out.

"We're not really religious either," Rachel admitted, "We just like the tradition and how all of our family gets together. And all of our friends are our family so we'd love for you to be here."

"Sounds fun," Quinn grinned.

They hung up a few pleasantries later, Santana and Beth looking expectantly at her. She panicked for a moment, "What?"

"Are you coming to Hanukkah at Puck and Rachel's?" Santana asked.

Quinn nodded, "Yeah. It'll be fun right?" Somehow she doubted that it was going to be much fun. If they didn't tell Santana Brittany was going to be there they were all going to be lucky if they managed to walk out with all their limbs.

However, at the moment Santana seemed to be okay and Beth made managed to make her smile more than once so for the moment everything was all right.


	8. Chapter 8

The day Brittany had landed back in town it was cold and raining. She didn't call anyone when she landed. Instead she took a cab to her apartment and went inside, locking herself in. The few things that she had kept in storage were already in the living room of her new apartment.

There in the middle of the living room were all the things she had. Her suitcase was full of clothes and other things she'd bought since leaving New York, but everything in front of her hadn't been touched since the day after Santana broke up with her.

She took a long deep breath, trying to gain the courage to walk over to nine or ten boxes that contained memories she'd been avoiding for a long, long time.

Brittany had learned a lot in the past year. She'd gained a confidence she only had previously on the stage. She learned that she could rely on herself and everything would turn out okay. She also learned what it felt like to be lonely. Not just alone, but lonely. The kind that creeps into your heart and makes it feel hollow.

She slowly lowered her suitcase to the ground and looked past the boxes around the barren room with hard wood floors that captured the sunlight pouring through the windows. This was definitely her dream apartment. It was just a few blocks from her dream job that she was supposed to report to in a week. She knew that only one thing was missing. One person. The person she'd originally dreamed all these dreams with.

After kicking off her shoes, Brittany slowly walked toward the boxes. However, instead of stopping at them, she walked into the master bedroom where Rachel's housewarming gift for her stood in all of its four-poster glory. The bed was one that she had pointed out while they were going over her redecoration plans before Puck moved in with her. Rachel was going to surprise her with it, but she'd never been one to be able to keep secrets from her best friend. Right before Brittany got on the plane to New York, Rachel told her that she'd bought her a bed and it was already in the bedroom.

Brittany smiled at the soft purple of the sheets. She ran her hand along the soft mattress before sinking into it with her whole body. She could definitely get used to sleeping on that every night.

When she rolled over on the bed, she could see the boxes peering in the door. She shook her head. She wasn't ready to confront that right then. She emptied her pockets onto the floor next to the bed. She looked down at the phone, receipts, and stray change before shimmying out of her pants and hopping into the bed. She'd deal with the boxes later. After a long, peaceful nap.

Santana had been doing seemingly better in Quinn's eyes. She always came home right after rehearsals. One of them would make dinner and then they'd eat, idly chatting about their days before Santana watched TV and Quinn finished up her work.

Santana had established a routine that didn't involve binge drinking and crying until she fell asleep. She counted that as a small victory. One of many battled that raged on in the war to keep her life moving.

Rachel checked the time of Brittany's flight on her computer. She frowned when she saw that the plane had landed over four hours ago. She expected a call from the blonde the second they touched the ground. She immediately picked up her phone and dialed.

"Hello?" a sleepy sounding Brittany answered.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked.

The blonde chuckled, "Oh yeah. Sorry, I was so tired. I just fell down on this awesome bed and went to sleep."

Rachel sighed, relieved, "I'm glad you like it. I'll let you get back to sleep."

"Thanks," Brittany yawned, still jetlagged.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Rachel asked before hanging up.

"Of course," Brittany grinned into her phone, "I can't wait."

After they said their goodbyes, Brittany put the phone on the pillow next to her. Then after a long exhale she knew she wasn't going to get back to sleep any time soon. So she pushed herself out of bed. After rummaging in her giant suitcase she changed into some sweat pants and a tank top. Then she stood with her hands on her hips looking at the boxes.

"Stupid," she muttered before moving toward them, determined not to let them win. However as she neared them, her feet carried her back to her bed. There she picked up her phone and walked back into the living room. She stood in front of the boxes again, this time really fixed on opening at least one.

She turned some music on her phone and set it on the kitchen counter by the front door. Then she went over to the boxes, this time coming within a few feet of them. She sat down on the floor, her legs crossed before pulling a smaller box to her.

She took one last breath before pulling open the lid of the box.

Half an hour later, Brittany was in tears, smiling wistfully at all the memories the contents of the boxes brought up. Everything in these boxes made her think of Santana. From the first Christmas scarf Santana gave her their first December in New York to the ticket stubs to their first Broadway show. Everything was filled with memories and every memory had its share of tears.

She was so wrapped up in memories that she didn't even hear the first knock on her front door. She wiped her eyes and stood up. When she opened the door she found Rachel standing there with a white bag in her hand. Concern immediately washed over her face when she saw how red Brittany's eyes were.

Rachel stepped in and wrapped her arms around Brittany. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Brittany let out a small smile, "Nothing really. Just going through some old boxes."

The actress let go and put the paper bag on the kitchen counter. "Well I brought you some Thai food. Do you need any help with the boxes?"

The blonde nodded, "That'd be great." She didn't really need help. She just didn't want to be alone.

Rachel smiled and put her hand on Brittany's shoulder. "Great. So where do we start?"


	9. Chapter 9

They went through the boxes carefully unpacking each memory. It took a few hours because Brittany explained each one to Rachel who wouldn't ask, but would ponder the object until the blonde would read her and let her know what it meant.

At around, one Rachel yawned enough to know she was way too tired to drive home. Brittany insisted that she stay and went as far as calling Puck to let him know Rachel was at her apartment and would be until the morning.

As soon as Rachel's head hit one of the pillows that she picked out with the bed she was asleep with her best friend shortly behind her.

When Rachel woke up the next morning she heard soft music floating under the closed bedroom door. She slowly stretched and yawned before sitting up. She closed her eyes and recognized the song. With a light smile on her face she slid out of the empty bed and walked to the door. When she opened it, she saw that Brittany had moved all of the boxes up against the wall and was using the living room as a dance studio.

The light behind her and the wooden floor under her made this part of the apartment feel more like home than anywhere else at the moment. Brittany always danced with her heart and it was always evident in her powerful movements.

**Young and full of running,**  
**tell me where is that taking me**  
**just a great figure eight**  
**or a tiny infinity.**

Rachel had watched Brittany dance for enough years to know that the contemporary movements in this impromptu dance were full of pain and heartache. Her heart went out to the blonde. Rachel knew heartbreak, but that was nothing compared to this. Rachel had lost a few boyfriends, but Brittany lost the love of her life.

**Love is really nothing**  
**but a dream that keeps waking me.**  
**For all of my trying**  
**we still end up dying;**  
**how can it be?**

**Don't say a word; just come over and lie here with me**  
**'cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see.**

The fact that two minutes had gone by and Brittany hadn't noticed her yet made Rachel feel a little like a voyeur. This was a private moment between Brittany and the song and here she was, watching it while knowing what an intimate moment it was supposed to be.

Just as she started to turn and walk back into the bedroom to lay down and wait for Brittany to finish, she caught a shimmer around Brittany's eye. It was the unmistakable streak of drying tears under closed eyes.

**I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe.**  
**There, I just said it; I'm scared you'll forget about me.**

**So young and full of running**  
**all the way to the edge of desire.**  
**Steady my breathing, silently screaming**  
**I have to have you now.**

When she first heard about what happened, Rachel was sure that she'd never be able to forgive Santana. However Brittany assured her that it was okay to still be friends with Santana. That she had already forgiven Santana and that Rachel should too. Although Brittany never said it out loud, Rachel could always see that miniscule shred of dying hope that someday Santana would come to her senses. But as the days went on that hope started to fade, as did the bright smile on Brittany's face. That's when Rachel knew she had to do something.

**Wired and I'm tired;**  
**think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor.**  
**Or maybe this mattress will spin on its axis**  
**and find me on yours.**

**Don't say a word; just come over and lie here with me**  
**'cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see.**

However the plan she devised was starting to seem like it may turn out to be more torture than healing for the blonde so when the song faded out, Rachel stepped fully into the living room. Brittany finally saw her and smiled, "Good morning."

Rachel couldn't help but smile back, "'Morning."

"Happy Hanukah," the blonde grinned walking over to Rachel and hugging the shorter girl.

Rachel chuckled, "Happy Hanukah."

"Can you have coffee on Hanukah?" Brittany asked curiously, "Because I really need some coffee."

"We can definitely go get some coffee," Rachel answered happily.

They went down to the coffee shop on the corner and sat at a tiny table to two in the front corner. Rachel wrapped her hands around the dark mug containing her latte. She took a deep breath before breaking the silence, "After seeing your reaction to all this I have to tell you…Santana's going to be at our Hanukkah party tonight. Quinn and I were going to surprise you both, but right now that doesn't seem like a good idea.

Brittany was quiet for a moment before adding with a nod, "Okay."

"I understand if you don't want to come over," Rachel looked up from the table studying the dancer.

After a full minute of silence, Brittany brought her eyes to Rachel, "I'm still going."

"Really?" Rachel asked. She had to admit she was a little surprised. After all the tears the night before, she was sure that Brittany would never want to see Santana again unless the other girl was on her knees begging to be given another chance.

Brittany nodded, offering no other explanation than that. The blue eyes lowered to the table again as she began chewing on her lip.

Rachel decided to try to lighten the mood, "It's because you really want me to make latkes again, isn't it?"

Brittany giggled and shook her head, "Never again."

"Hey I didn't burn them that bad," Rachel playfully defended herself.

"Beth thought they were rocks," Brittany retorted with another laugh.

They joked round until they decided that they better go help Puck decorate. It was already pushing eleven in the morning and they had until dusk to construct the perfect Hanukkah party. Plus they were both sure that Puck was laying on the couch watching football instead of decorating so nothing had been done yet.

Quinn made sure that there was a kitchen counter between them when she dropped the bomb on Santana that Brittany was going to be at the party. She thought for her physical wellbeing that she could tell her roommate. Santana was older and had calmed down a lot since high school, but she was still Santana.

However, instead of blowing up like Quinn thought she would Santana just continued to eat her cereal and let out an indifferent shrug.

"So you're okay with it?" Quinn asked, taking a step back from the counter.

Santana nodded like it wasn't a big deal. However the second Quinn said Brittany's name her hands started to shake and her heart started to hammer. She was trying to keep her composure so she pretended not to care while mentally going through her closet so she could find something that would make everyone look at her, especially Brittany.

Quinn shook her head. Just as soon as she thought she had Santana figured out, something like this happened and she'd have to go back to Santana 101. She looked at the clock behind her and saw they had a few hours until the party. "Well I'm going to go take a shower so we can get there on time."

Santana just nodded, keeping her eyes on her food. She wasn't hungry anymore, but Quinn would know something was up if she just chucked the rest of it like she felt like doing. However as soon as Quinn closed the door to her room, Santana dumped her remaining cereal down the sink and ran into her room, throwing open the closet doors. As soon as she picked out the perfect outfit, she jumped into the shower.

She noticed that the shaking in her hands was getting worse as time went by and by the time she and Quinn were ready to leave she was sure if someone saw her hands they would think she was having a seizure. So she shoved them in her pockets and took a few supposedly calming breathes before following Quinn out the door.

* * *

The song Brittany is dancing to is "Edge of Desire" by John Mayer. For the record I didn't really want to put the song in bold, but me and the italics had a fight and they won so I had to change it. Hope you enjoy.


	10. Chapter 10

Quinn knocked on the door and glanced at Santana who hadn't said a word the whole way over. "Are you okay?"

Santana automatically nodded.

The blonde turned all the way around, "It's just Brittany."

At the sound of the name, Santana turned and started to walk away, but just as she turned, the door opened. Puck smiled at both of them, "Thank God you're here. Rachel, Brittany, and their friend have been talking about nothing but musical…stuff and our parents have done nothing but argue about where to put the menorah."

"Thanks for inviting us," Quinn said for both of them and pulled Santana in by her sleeve.

Santana gave Puck a nervous smile before following Quinn to the kitchen. There they ran into Puck's mom who eyed Santana. She was a little nervous because last time she saw Puck's mom she was sneaking out of his room in the middle of the night. However, Santana was surprised with a smile and a polite hug from her.

Then Quinn said a ridiculously awkward hello to her before leading Santana into the living room.

When they stepped into the room, they found Rachel and her dads having a lively conversation with Brittany and another guy about something. Just as Santana was averting her eyes from Brittany, the blonde looked over at her. Santana cursed her luck and gave a half wave.

Brittany smiled back and gave a half nod before rejoining the conversation.

"Quinn! Santana!" Rachel called with a grin. She walked over to them and hugged them both, "I'm so glad you could come."

After about an hour Santana walked to the kitchen and found Puck standing by the counter with an oven mitt on his hand. She smirked, "Holy shit. You _have_ turned a housewife."

"I prefer the term housedude," he smiled back and opened the oven, taking out a tin pan and peeled back the foil from the top. "Damn I'm awesome."

She walked over to it and peered into the pan. "That looks good." She reached forward to get a taste, but he caught her wrist.

"Not before dinner," he shook his head and put the pan down, closing the foil tightly around the top.

She rolled her eyes, "Yes mom. I wouldn't want to ruin my dinner." She walked over to an open bottle of wine and poured herself some.

"So," Puck paused and took off the mitt, placing it on the counter, "Have you talked to her?"

Santana flinched at the word her. Sure it could have been any number of people in the apartment, but she knew the one he was referring to. However she didn't want to let on so she asked, "Her who?"

He shook his head, "I knew you wouldn't."

"You know what?" Santana took a step closer to him, "It's killing me to be here, but I can't leave because I want to be here."

"Can't you just tell her you miss her?" he asked, lowering his voice and bending down to be face to face with her, "Man up, woman."

"It's not that easy," Santana explained. "I broke up with her. I hurt her."

Puck shook his head and stood up straight, "Whatever." He picked up his beer and added, "I'm going to go talk to her."

"Wait, what are you going to say?"

"Whatever I want."

Santana stood in front of the door, "Promise you won't say anything."

"I'm not promising shit," he shook his head, "It's Hanukkah. Everyone here is happy except for you and her and we both know that there's one way to fix that."

"Fine. I'll talk to her," Santana sighed, "Just let me do it."

He nodded a smug smile playing on his lips, "I knew you'd see it my way."

"Ass," she rolled her eyes. Then she picked up her wine and followed him to the living room.

Just as they stepped into the room, Rachel's daddy called, "The sun is about to go down. Who says we get this show on the road?"

After a short version of the ritual prayers they all sat down for the meal. Thanks to a crazy random happenstance Santana and Brittany ended up sitting across from each other. That crazy random happenstance's names in this instance were Rachel and Quinn.

The whole table seemed to be involved in a conversation except the two ex-Cheerios who had taking to pushing their food around their plates.

Finally Santana took a deep breath and broke the silence, "So, um, how was Chicago?"

Brittany looked up and answered, "It was okay. Really cold and windy."

Santana nodded and tried to think of something else to say. Quick on her feet, she added, "How long are you in town for?"

"I'm staying here," Brittany answered, "I signed a lease last week."

"Oh yeah?" Santana asked, surprised, "Where at?"

"It's a couple blocks from the conservatory's studio," the blonde answered off-handedly.

Santana sunk deep into thought and remembered that she too liked a few blocks from the studio as well. She wondered how close they actually lived to each other. "Sounds awesome. Let me know if you need any help moving in."

"I'm all moved in, but…thanks," Brittany offered a small tentative smile.

Santana couldn't help, but smile back. She ducked her head shyly which caused Brittany to smile wider. Suddenly they were grinning at each other like idiots and laughing broke out on their end of the table.

However when the laughter died out, the end of the table became awkward again so they both joined different conversations.

A few hours later, Santana was in the kitchen, helping Rachel with the dishes. Quinn walked in and leaned on the counter next to them. "Brittany, Puck, James and your friend from the play are still playing driedel. I don't think any of them are going to quit until someone wins."

Rachel smiled, "Well since Noah, Brittany, and my dad all hate losing we may be here for a while. Anyone for some more wine?"

"I would love some," Santana closed the dishwasher and turned it on.

"How's it going with B?" Quinn asked, raising her wine glass to her lips.

Santana sighed, "Why is everyone on me about this?"

The blonde set her glass down, "Because you're miserable."

"Who said?"

"You did," Rachel pointed out.

"I lie," Santana added with a tiny smirk, "You guys should know never to listen to me."

Quinn and Rachel laughed. The actress handed Santana a glass of wine, "We just want to see you two happy. If you want us to stop trying to get you two back together then we'll stop."

"Please," Santana replied, taking the glass, "Thanks for the help, but if this is going to happen, I'm the one that's going to have to do it."

A couple hours later, Rachel and Puck's parents left. Quinn, Rachel, and Santana were all staring at the game of driedel that had been going on for hours. Brittany was sitting at the table, her pile of candy in front of her. She looked exhausted with her hand propping up her head. Puck and Rachel's friend from the play were in basically the same condition.

"This is taking forever," Quinn muttered.

"We can go if you want to," Santana offered.

The blonde shook her head, "No, I promised Brittany we'd take her home." She looked around and spotted the TV in the living room, "So I'm thinking we watch reruns until she's ready."

"Perfect," Rachel grinned.

They all walked to the couch and sat down to wait for the endless game to finally wrap up.

Finally Puck emerged victorious only to give a half-hearted fist pump and announce his departure to bed. Rachel had to wake up Quinn and Santana who had fallen asleep watching TV.

Santana, Quinn, and Brittany shuffled out the door, all exhausted. Quinn completely forgot to drop Brittany off, but the blonde assured her that she could walk the rest of the way.

However, having always been protective of Brittany, Santana insisted on walking her home. The silence swirled around them like the wind as they walk, watching the people that passed by and kicking at the ground.

Before Santana knew it, Brittany had stopped in front of a building three blocks from her apartment. The blonde stood there looking expectantly at Santana who looked like she wanted to say something. The brunette shoved her hands into her pockets and kicked at the ground. Finally she decided that everyone was right. They were miserable apart. She ran a nervous hand through her hair before adding, "I know we've been really…awkward and stuff lately. I was just hoping that maybe…we could…" She trailed off, "Do you wanna go get some coffee before I have rehearsals tomorrow? You know, to talk and stuff."

The blonde smiled and slid her arms around Santana's neck, offering a sweet hug. Santana's chest swelled with the vicinity of Brittany. She snaked her arms around the trim waist of the dancer. She had to bite back the three little words that were playing on the tip of her tongue. She missed this. She missed how warm Brittany always seemed to be even when it was freezing outside.

Brittany closed her eyes and absorbed the feel. She'd been waiting to touch Santana again since Rachel told her that they had reconnected. However, she knew if she didn't stop soon, she wouldn't be able to stop herself from confessing all of her feeling to Santana. She'd told herself that Santana ended it and if it was going to start again, Santana was going to have to be the one to do it.

Finally Brittany withdrew and offered Santana a sweet smile, "Call me when you get up tomorrow?"

Santana nodded, numb from the loss of warmth.

With one last slow smile, Brittany disappeared into her building.

Santana started to make her way back to the apartment as she thought. Things were starting to get better. The sun seemed a little brighter and the wind seemed a little less harsh. She had something to look forward to tomorrow morning. Santana couldn't help, but smile.


	11. Chapter 11

Santana woke up really early the next morning. Her alarm wasn't set to go off for another hour or so, but she was too excited to sleep. She got into the shower to decide what she was going to say. She didn't know if she could just lay it all out on the table for Brittany or if she should just give it time and take it slow.

Unfortunately, she hadn't decided by the time she got to the coffee shop. So she sat at the small table, coffee in hand and agonized over what was going to happen.

All agonizing stopped when Brittany waltzed in. Her whole face lit up when she smiled at Santana. The blonde walked over to the table, shrugging off her jacket. She was wearing a green and gray striped sweater underneath that hung off of one of her shoulders and skinny jeans with heeled boots. She was the picture of a New York fashionista who a couple of years ago couldn't turn on a computer.

She draped her scarf and coat on the back of the chair across from Santana, keeping her purse on her arm, "I'm going to go get some coffee. Do you need some more?"

Santana shook her head and watched in awe as Brittany walked away. She knew that when she saw Brittany for the first time on that stage that something in the other girl had changed. Something was more confident and independent. It seemed that being separated a year had caused Brittany to grown up a lot.

It dawned on Santana that she may have stunted that growth all these years. That Brittany may have already been that confident, independent person, but she was keeping her down. That caused Santana to frown and stare at Brittany's jacket on the back of the chair until the blonde sat down, blocking her view.

The dancer beamed again, "Good morning."

Santana let out a lazy smile, not being able to stay in a bad mood around her ex. "Good morning."

"What were you thinking about?" Brittany asked, tilting her head to the side. Even after all those months she could still tell when Santana was upset.

Santana took a deep breath. She prided herself on being fearless and she was scared to death to say the wrong thing to Brittany. She held Brittany's eyes for a while before the blonde brought her coffee to her lips, "San, what's wrong?"

Santana threw caution to the wind and flat out asked, "Did I…hold you back? Not like with dancing or anything, but with…other stuff."

To anyone else 'other stuff' could have been any number of things, but Brittany could usually tell what Santana meant. 'Other stuff' was growth. Knowing what to do and how to do it on your own was what came to mind. Maybe Brittany had gotten a little street smarter and maybe, just maybe a little book smarter, but she was the Stephen Hawking of reading Santana. Never being one to lie though, Brittany answered, "Maybe."

"Really?" Santana slumped back into her chair.

Brittany smiled sweetly, "There were some things I didn't actually want to know anyway."

"Like what?"

"Like when bills change colors it's not because the Vogue announced the new color of the month," Brittany sipped her coffee again.

Santana chuckled. Yes she had sheltered Brittany from their monthly financial crisis when they were together, but it was only because she wanted the blonde to be happy all the time. It seemed that she found out the hard truth about money on her own and apparently in a very short time because right then, Brittany didn't seem to have any money problems at all.

Another question was on the tip of Santana's tongue. She didn't want to ask, but she had to know, "Did I hurt you?"

Brittany lowered her head and stared hard at her coffee. Her voice was so low Santana almost didn't catch the, "Yes."

Santana could take that. She hurt the one person she'd ever loved completely. She shot out of her chair and shoved open the door. Just as she was about to get to the end of the block she heard that same small voice call, "Santana, wait."

Santana slowly turned around not realizing that tears were pouring down her cheeks. Brittany took a few purposeful strides to her and took both of Santana's hands. Brittany had forgotten her jacket and scarf in chasing after Santana so she was starting to shiver.

Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany to try to keep her warm while whispering, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Then Brittany uttered three little words that made all the weight on Santana's shoulders disappear. "I forgive you."

Santana closed her eyes and squeezed Brittany. She loved this girl…this woman with all her heart and now they had a clean slate. She pulled away enough to look into the tearful blue eyes. "I love you. I never stopped loving you."

Brittany sniffled through a smile, "I love you too." She put a freezing hand on either side of Santana's face and pulled her in for a kiss.

There on that New York City street they rekindled the fire that they once had. However this time, they were both a little bit smarter. Santana have a great new appreciation of what she had had with Brittany and Brittany had a new appreciation of what Santana used to do for her. They both pulled back at the same time and looked each other over. They were both a year older and a little worse for the wear, but they were the same people that each one of them had fallen in love with in high school.

"I never stopped missing you," Santana confessed.

Brittany pulled Santana to her body and echoed the confession.

Finally Brittany's shivering pulled Santana out of her euphoric haze, "Let's go back inside and get your coat."

The blonde nodded, letting go of Santana save for her hand that she swung between them on the way back inside. Santana helped Brittany put her coat on and draped the scarf around Brittany's neck.

"What time do you have to be at rehearsal?" Brittany asked, taking Santana's hand again as they walked out.

Santana grinned and looked at Brittany contemplating just not going. However Brittany wouldn't go for that idea so she just replied, "In an hour."

"I'll walk with you," Brittany offered.

Santana was actually planning to take the subway, but walking with Brittany seemed so much better at that moment. She smiled at Brittany then at the ground, then the sky and back at Brittany. Today was probably the best day of her life.

* * *

The End


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